Check out this lovely picture of Quins's flashing blade. We always knew he weilded his bat like a rapier but this is taking it all a bit too far.
BEST SLEDGES OF ALL TIME
- Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?" - Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted. - Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes:
After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?" "Cos every time I f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit," Brandes replied. - Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl." - Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed: "Ding Ding Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman. - Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff." - Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:
After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces." Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it." - Ian Healey and Arjuna Ranatunga:
Who can forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the television microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"
THE FANATIC
Now I have played with some cricketing fanatics in my time, but one I recall really took the biscuit! I was playing in a knockout cup match in Poole at the time for Poole OGs and it was a tight semi final with Flights. The game had come down to the wire and our last man - me - was at the crease with 4 needed for victory off the final over. Flights harum scarum quick was bowling, and the first two deliveries were short and spicy. I swung and missed both. A torent of abuse came down the wicket from the red faced bowler. Third ball, somehow I manage to make contact but only with an edge that flies straight to slip, dropped! Another torent of abuse this time directed half at me and half at the unfortunate fielder. Fourth ball, a swing, a miss another tirade. The bowler regains his composure, returns to his mark and belts in to deliver the fith ball. I back away to leg, the ball is a yorker right in the block hole on middle stump. Somehow the toe end of my bat makes contact and the ball edges past the keeper and goes all the way to the fence. One to win off the last ball!
Now here is the thing! The bowler again makes his way to his mark, polishes the ball furiously on his flannels and starts off towards me. Half way through his run up he pulls up and gazes beyond square leg to the road at the back of the Ground. A hearse is making its way slowly down the lane towards the local church. The bowler drops his head in the direction of the hearse and crosses himself. As the hearse disappears out of site the bowler returns to his mark screams in an up roots my middle stump with an absolute jaffer. Its all over a memorable tie.
In the bar after the game I offer to buy the bowler a drink, and he turns out to be an affable cove and we get chatting about the game. "Fantastic last ball I remark, unplayable, but I have to say I was surprised at your reaction when the hearse passed by."
Oh yes he said, well you see...
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Well you see he said, she was always a kind and considerate wife to me!
FANATIC.
LAW CHANGES ON THE CARDS
The MCC is to study proposals for a change to the Laws it was announced earlier this week.
The new rules would see the taking of runs from byes and wide deliveries outlawed - along the lines used now when a batsman deflects the ball offering 'no shot' - in such cases the Umpire would call 'dead-ball'.
The changes are proposed following an incident in a Dorset League match when a qualified coach made a protest by refusing to run an easy 2 off a wide ball. The coach, Mr Robert Alexander Selbie, later explained his motivation:
"It is very difficult for fast bowlers to maintain accuracy for long spells, I don't see why they should be penalised twice for a bad ball."
The idea has the full backing of two Shaftesbury CC bowlers - Martin Crossman and Matthew Burton who, while welcoming the move on wides, want to see the proposals extended to include the calling of 'dead ball' in the case of accidental full tosses and long hops too.
Experienced Dorset Umpire Dave Cassell, asked to comment on the bowlers proposals replied:
"These proposals are not new, I have heard them before. I am glad to see the boys have now reduced their demands - originally, they were pressing for an additional stump and a second wicket keeper."
There is no word yet from the MCC...
That refers to an extraordinary moment in a match a ball passed harmlessly outside Robs off stump, the Wicket Keeper failed to gather and let the ball go straight through his gloves. Despite there being an easy two for the taking Rob turned his batting partner back with the following I quote "sorry we can't run I didnt offer a shot."
NEW RECRUIT PROMISES MUCHGeorge Edward Milton was born safely on 16th September 2002 at 7.50pm at Salisbury Hospital, weighing in at 7lb 8oz. Lin and George are both doing well.
George has already received his first coaching lesson from the Club's professional coach, Duncan Weir. Duncan's initial assessment was good - "elbows like Murilitheran and wrists like Shane Warne." His first net session was encouraging, but Duncan considered that George needed to pay attention to his footwork.
We will have to wait and see on that...
THE OPENING STAND
As any opening batsman will tell you, there is a ritual performed before going out to the middle - and I my friend am no different.
First there is the pretence of asking the captain where he wants you to bat knowing damned well that no one else in their right mind would want to open on that wicket! Then there are the 'spirit voices' inside the head nagging at you over an over - the opening bowler was a bit sharp last year if I remember is he here yet? Then there is the changing ritual always put on your gear in the same order.
- Shirt
- socks
- trousers
- spikes
- thigh pad
- leg guards
- arm guard
- gloves
Then its gloves off, hemet on, gloves back on.
Then what happens you look out the window and B*GG*R - the quickie has turned up! You need the bog and the umpires are already out there. Gloves off, helmet off, pads off, trousers down, box out jock down open the kazi door and then .... it hits you like a Brett Lee thunderball!
"Dodgy kebab last night Dunc!"
With a deep breath you enter the dunnie, 5 minutes later B*GG*R the B*GG*R he has used all the toilet paper but as they say needs must when the Umpires are out - luckily Skipper Toogood never noticed that I had used his boxer shorts.
...and more.
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