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Fixtures 2006

Club Chat

Questions, Questions

It's been a long and winding road to the beginning of the 2005 season, but it's nearly here. Will any teas get organised? Has Pete Slade bulked up in off-season? Can Kevbo get any fatter? Is it true that Hugo spends more time doing his hair than eating? Has Trousers' winter been one long festival of debauchery? Will our radical youth policy pay off? Has Pete Rigiani been tapped up? And if so, by whom? Will there be enough sixes to please Dick? Ali S-G: sex god or just a nice bloke? Or both? The answers to all these questions will soon be all too readily apparent. Keep 'em peeled.

*** Bowler of the Season ***

Nick Trueman really pulled his finger out at Spye Park, and in the Bowler of the Season competition, most bookies now have him level-pegging with Peter Slade.

***NEW RECORD***

Congratulations to Alastair Scott-Gall, who now holds 'the only club batting record that really counts' (as Andy Jenkins once described it, to nods all round from assorted worthies) by virtue of his 119* in the NVKO quarter-final against Beanacre on Sunday 16th May 2004. This is the highest score ever made by a player for the club in a National Village Knockout match. Join Ali for a celebration at the ground this coming Sunday, 23rd May.

Coming Soon: A new section focussing on grooming tips for the discerning man about town, courtesy of Hugo.

DRAFT FIXTURES 2004

Below is a draft fixture list for 2004: matches listed below are definites, but others will be added. Please let Ali know your availability as soon as possible. This applies ESPECIALLY to the August games which were not in the list at the date of the AGM but have been subsequently added to allay the concerns expressed at the AGM that the season would be ending too soon if extra matches were not added. It is IMPERATIVE that people make their availability in August known to Ali as soon as possible.

All matches start at 2.00pm unless otherwise stated.

April 10th: Nets (H) (1.30)
April 17th: Nets (H) (1.30)
April 25th: Urchfont (A) (2.00)
May 2nd: Direct Wines (for the Jumble Shield) (H) (2.00)
May 9th: Gosport DOE Cavaliers (H) (2.00)
May 16th: NVKO (quarter-final) (H)
May 23rd Chameleon CC (H)
May 30th: NVKO (semi- final) (A)
June 6th: Flashing Blades (H) (11.30)
June 13th: NVKO Final (A)
June 20th: Alchemists (H) (time tbc)
June 27th: South Wilts (H)
July 4th: Grannies (H)
July 11th: Wiltshire Queries (H)
July 18th: Armadillos (H)
July 31st: Sou'Westers (H) (11.30)
August 8th: Direct Wines (H)
August 15th: Luddites (H)
August 29th: Loughborough Carillion (H)

The Club's AGM took place on 13th March 2004. The Minutes will be circulated electronically to those who are interested. If you would like a set, please e-mail Kevin Farrelly (contact details on the 'Fixtures 2004' page)

******BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT******

Congratulations to Peter and Lorraine Slade on the arrival of their first born, Daniel, who was born on 27th January 2004 weighing a healthy 7lb 1 oz. All concerned are doing well, and the Club sends its best wishes.

....Breaking....News....On . ...The....Wires....Breaking.. ..News . .. . On....The.....Wires

Reports are hazy at the moment, but our Media Monitoring Department informs us that rumours have been circulating on the electric interweb involving the words 'Sealy', 'Horn' and 'dogging'. The Club is sure that this 'story' is entirely innocent, if not wholly invented. Neither Jon nor Tim were available for comment when we didn't try at all to contact them this morning.

LOST & FOUND
A regular column, in which we try to reunite lost property with its owner

LOST: Several yards of pace (please return to Pete Slade, obviously).
FOUND: Several pounds of sub-cutaneous adipose tissue. If you've lost some wight recently, please contact Les Sealy, who is kindly storing it in his midriff.
LOST: 1 book, entitled "Twins, and how to keep them quiet" by Anne Atkins. If found, please return to Polly Spice (28) who has clearly lost her copy.
FOUND: 1 moustache. Found in the place where a left arm medium pacer would reach the crease if he were to decide, bizarrely, to bowl round the wicket.
LOST: A body action and follow through. If found, please return to Kevin Farrelly in the time that elapses between him releasing the ball and it finally reaching the batsman.
FOUND: 1 ability to bend over to field the ball. Due to the large number of potential claimants for this item, it will be raffled during a break in the next game (probably in the interval between Chaz picking a ball up in the deep and getting it in the air).
FOUND: A tape recording of a story about the old ground. Although this doesn't narrow down the content, origin or ownership of the speech much, the recording begins with the line "In the '70's, the sun never set on LDCC....". There is in fact a huge cache of these stories in a box behind the bar if anyone would like to claim them, take them away, and bury them in a big hole.
LOST: Kestrel Simpson, and the clock from the pavilion.
LOST: Several sixes. If found, please return to Dick Penson, who wants more. Dick has also lost his local rule book, particularly as it relates to rule 9, "Ball hitting a tree".
FOUND: 1 pair of Speedo swimming trunks, apparently manufactured in the late 1980's.
LOST: 1 spoffle. If found, please return to Chris Weir.

MORE TROUBLE IN STORE FOR FIERY SLADER

Hot on the heels of LDCC's temperamental paceman being reported to the ECB for his comments following the Jumble Shield match (see below), stories in this morning's tabloid press report another spat between Peter Slade and Alistair Scott- Gall, in which the authorities are likely to be interested.
The speed merchant was heard to exclaim "You must be f*&%ing joking" to an away umpire after a controversial "not out" decision was given following a strong LBW appeal against The Armadillos on Saturday 5th July 2003. The appeal came in the 4th over of the match against Alistair Scott-Gall (who incidentally went on to score 50 - which included some fine judgement throughout). The umpire who turned down the appeal was Scott- Gall's step brother - some might say this was pure coincidence although others, including an incensed Slade have jumped to massive conclusions. According to the more lurid of the red tops, Slade left the ground in his sponsored VW Golf muttering "I'll be revenged on the lot of you" in the general direction of the Scott-Gall mafiosi.
Fortunately for the Scott- Gall family no other appeals were were made against them throughout the game. An inquiry is being held at present and more details will be posted here when available.

Slade up before ECB panel

Direct Wines captain Peter Slade is to appear before an England and Wales Cricket Board disciplinary panel following comments he made after his side were beaten by LDCC earlier on this season.

Slade hit out at what he described as a "culture of cheating" which is tarnishing cricket's image. But his comments have now landed him in trouble and he will appear before the panel at Lord's on 14 July. Direct Wines missed out on a place in history when they lost their Jumble Shield game to LDCC. They claimed LDCC's Ali Scott- Gall stepped over the boundary rope after taking a catch in the penultimate over of the match. The club lodged a protest, but the ECB refused to reverse the result. A clearly incensed Slade told the Daily Mail at the time: "I blame the win-at- all-costs culture of cheating which is taking cricket down the road that has made football such a sleazy game. "In football it's diving, shirt- pulling, conning refs and feigning injury. "In cricket, it is claiming catches on the bounce, pretending that the ball hasn't gone over the rope and players standing their ground when they've thick-edged it to slip." Slade claims the spirit of the game has been "soiled" by the incident at Fonthill Park. Both Slade and Direct Wines have refused to comment further until the outcome of the hearing.

**POTTS TO RUN LONDON MARATHON**

LDCC's man with a plan, Chaz Potts, has announced his intention to run the 2004 London Marathon. He is already pounding the roads in preparation, but Radio Five Live's Alistair Eykyn caught up with him.

"Obviously, it's a big challenge" said Potts, "but I'm confident I can pull it off. I'll be running dressed as Queen's axe-man Roger Taylor, and the increased fitness can only help my cricket. I'll also be helping 2 good causes in that I will be splitting my sponsorship money equally between the Twilight Home for Lost and Bewildered Moustaches and a new pavilion for LDCC, which I myself will be building single handedly between the date of the marathon and the beginning of the 2004 season, to include a plunge bath, a Freddie Mercury memorial dance floor, and a cupboard for storing carpet sweepers".

Anyone wishing to sponsor Chaz should send cash only (no cheques or postal orders) to Kevin Farrelly at the usual address.

STOP PRESS-----STOP PRESS-----STOP PRESS-----

Sealy hints at move

Jon Sealy has suggested for the first time that his long-term future may not lie at Fonthill Park. The LDCC Chairman has been the subject of constant speculation, with Yorkshire, New South Wales, AC Fovant and Orange Free State all linked with bids for the player. Previously Sealy had expressed his desire to stay at Fonthill Park, but, after the club's confirmation of "firm interest" from Australia and RSA, he has softened his stance. "I've never said that I'd never move away from Fonthill, and I've never said that I'd end my career there," Sealy, who is on holiday in the US, told the Los Angeles Times newspaper. "With all the big teams there are always going to be changes because you look to strengthen the team whether you win three trophies or you win one. "These rumours have been going on for two months now. About a month ago, it was Marnhull and now it's Fovant. "But I'm an LDCC player. I'm contracted to LDCC for another two or three years, I think. "As long as they want me, then I'll stay." Chilmark had begun to emerge as Sealy's most likely destination until president John Trowers said on Monday that there were "better ways of spending money". Director Phil Healy, in charge of the cricket side of the club, added: "We are absolutely not interested, they are just fantasy rumours that have been reported by the press. He is a great player, but there is nothing in it." Meanwhile Chilmark general director Brigadier Tomlinson said: "Sealy is a great player, there is an interest because the best players always appeal to Chilmark." And Fovant presidential candidate Joan Trellis told BBC Radio Five Live that a deal to sign Sealy could be completed within 48 hours. Sealy's turbulent relationship with Sir Keith Steer has only served to add to the speculation, but the player played down any rift between them. "Despite what people say about me and Sir Keith Steer, he's been a father figure for me," Sealy said. "I've been at LDCC for 12 years now and without him I wouldn't be the player or the person that I am today. "Of course you have your ups and downs with any boss in any job, but it's just a little bit more highlighted with me and him." Polly Spice (28) said her first interest was her husband's happiness, and where he went, she would follow.