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It's been a long and winding road to the beginning of the 2005 season, but it's nearly here. Will any teas get organised? Has Pete Slade bulked up in off-season? Can Kevbo get any fatter? Is it true that Hugo spends more time doing his hair than eating? Has Trousers' winter been one long festival of debauchery? Will our radical youth policy pay off? Has Pete Rigiani been tapped up? And if so, by whom? Will there be enough sixes to please Dick? Ali S-G: sex god or just a nice bloke? Or both? The answers to all these questions will soon be all too readily apparent. Keep 'em peeled.
*** Bowler of the Season ***
Nick Trueman really pulled his finger out at Spye Park, and in the Bowler of the Season competition, most bookies now have him level-pegging with Peter Slade.
***NEW RECORD***
Congratulations to Alastair Scott-Gall, who now holds 'the only club batting record that really counts' (as Andy Jenkins once described it, to nods all round from assorted worthies) by virtue of his 119* in the NVKO quarter-final against Beanacre on Sunday 16th May 2004. This is the highest score ever made by a player for the club in a National Village Knockout match. Join Ali for a celebration at the ground this coming Sunday, 23rd May.
Coming Soon: A new section focussing on grooming tips for the discerning man about town, courtesy of Hugo.
DRAFT FIXTURES 2004
Below is a draft fixture list for 2004: matches listed below are definites, but others will be added. Please let Ali know your availability as soon as possible. This applies ESPECIALLY to the August games which were not in the list at the date of the AGM but have been subsequently added to allay the concerns expressed at the AGM that the season would be ending too soon if extra matches were not added. It is IMPERATIVE that people make their availability in August known to Ali as soon as possible.
All matches start at 2.00pm unless otherwise stated.
April 10th: Nets (H)
(1.30)
April 17th: Nets (H)
(1.30)
April 25th: Urchfont
(A) (2.00)
May 2nd: Direct Wines
(for the Jumble Shield) (H)
(2.00)
May 9th: Gosport DOE
Cavaliers (H) (2.00)
May
16th: NVKO (quarter-final) (H)
May 23rd Chameleon CC
(H)
May 30th: NVKO (semi-
final) (A)
June 6th:
Flashing Blades (H) (11.30)
June 13th: NVKO Final (A)
June 20th: Alchemists (H)
(time tbc)
June 27th: South
Wilts (H)
July 4th:
Grannies (H)
July 11th:
Wiltshire Queries (H)
July
18th: Armadillos (H)
July
31st: Sou'Westers (H) (11.30)
August 8th: Direct Wines
(H)
August 15th: Luddites
(H)
August 29th: Loughborough
Carillion (H)
The Club's AGM took place on 13th March 2004. The Minutes will be circulated electronically to those who are interested. If you would like a set, please e-mail Kevin Farrelly (contact details on the 'Fixtures 2004' page)
******BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT******
Congratulations to Peter and Lorraine Slade on the arrival of their first born, Daniel, who was born on 27th January 2004 weighing a healthy 7lb 1 oz. All concerned are doing well, and the Club sends its best wishes.
....Breaking....News....On . ...The....Wires....Breaking.. ..News . .. . On....The.....Wires
Reports are hazy at the moment, but our Media Monitoring Department informs us that rumours have been circulating on the electric interweb involving the words 'Sealy', 'Horn' and 'dogging'. The Club is sure that this 'story' is entirely innocent, if not wholly invented. Neither Jon nor Tim were available for comment when we didn't try at all to contact them this morning.
LOST & FOUND
A
regular column, in which we try to
reunite lost property with its
owner
LOST: Several yards of pace
(please return to Pete Slade,
obviously).
FOUND: Several pounds
of sub-cutaneous adipose tissue. If
you've lost some wight recently,
please contact Les Sealy, who is
kindly storing it in his
midriff.
LOST: 1 book,
entitled "Twins, and how to keep them
quiet" by Anne Atkins. If found,
please return to Polly Spice (28) who
has clearly lost her copy.
FOUND: 1
moustache. Found in the place where a
left arm medium pacer would reach the
crease if he were to decide,
bizarrely, to bowl round the
wicket.
LOST: A body action and
follow through. If found, please
return to Kevin Farrelly in the time
that elapses between him releasing the
ball and it finally reaching the
batsman.
FOUND: 1 ability to bend
over to field the ball. Due to the
large number of potential claimants
for this item, it will be raffled
during a break in the next game
(probably in the interval between Chaz
picking a ball up in the deep and
getting it in the air).
FOUND: A
tape recording of a story about the
old ground. Although this doesn't
narrow down the content, origin or
ownership of the speech much, the
recording begins with the line "In
the '70's, the sun never set on
LDCC....". There is in fact a huge
cache of these stories in a box behind
the bar if anyone would like to claim
them, take them away, and bury them in
a big hole.
LOST: Kestrel Simpson,
and the clock from the
pavilion.
LOST: Several sixes. If
found, please return to Dick Penson,
who wants more. Dick has also lost his
local rule book, particularly as it
relates to rule 9, "Ball hitting a
tree".
FOUND: 1 pair of Speedo
swimming trunks, apparently
manufactured in the late
1980's.
LOST: 1 spoffle. If found,
please return to Chris Weir.
MORE TROUBLE IN STORE FOR FIERY SLADER
Hot on the heels of
LDCC's temperamental paceman being
reported to the ECB for his comments
following the Jumble Shield match (see
below), stories in this morning's
tabloid press report another spat
between Peter Slade and Alistair Scott-
Gall, in which the authorities are
likely to be interested.
The speed
merchant was heard to exclaim "You
must be f*&%ing joking" to an away
umpire after a controversial "not out"
decision was given following a strong
LBW appeal against The Armadillos on
Saturday 5th July 2003. The appeal
came in the 4th over of the match
against Alistair Scott-Gall (who
incidentally went on to score 50 -
which included some fine judgement
throughout). The umpire who turned
down the appeal was Scott- Gall's step
brother - some might say this was pure
coincidence although others, including
an incensed Slade have jumped to
massive conclusions. According to the
more lurid of the red tops, Slade left
the ground in his sponsored VW Golf
muttering "I'll be revenged on the lot
of you" in the general direction of
the Scott-Gall mafiosi.
Fortunately
for the Scott- Gall family no other
appeals were were made against them
throughout the game. An inquiry is
being held at present and more details
will be posted here when
available.
Slade up before ECB panel
Direct Wines captain Peter Slade is to appear before an England and Wales Cricket Board disciplinary panel following comments he made after his side were beaten by LDCC earlier on this season.
Slade hit out at what he described as a "culture of cheating" which is tarnishing cricket's image. But his comments have now landed him in trouble and he will appear before the panel at Lord's on 14 July. Direct Wines missed out on a place in history when they lost their Jumble Shield game to LDCC. They claimed LDCC's Ali Scott- Gall stepped over the boundary rope after taking a catch in the penultimate over of the match. The club lodged a protest, but the ECB refused to reverse the result. A clearly incensed Slade told the Daily Mail at the time: "I blame the win-at- all-costs culture of cheating which is taking cricket down the road that has made football such a sleazy game. "In football it's diving, shirt- pulling, conning refs and feigning injury. "In cricket, it is claiming catches on the bounce, pretending that the ball hasn't gone over the rope and players standing their ground when they've thick-edged it to slip." Slade claims the spirit of the game has been "soiled" by the incident at Fonthill Park. Both Slade and Direct Wines have refused to comment further until the outcome of the hearing.
**POTTS TO RUN LONDON MARATHON**
STOP PRESS-----STOP PRESS-----STOP PRESS-----
Sealy hints at move
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